“I Bet You’d Look Prettier If You Smile”: 3 Reasons To Stop Saying These Words

I’m going to veer a bit left for minute, as I generally write about how to deal with negativity using tools and adjusting one’s mindset, but not today. Today, I thought I’d get a little personal. Hopefully this information will, indeed, help someone.

To smile or not to smile…

 

I consider myself to be a pleasant person…you know the jovial, considerate, friendly and honest sort. Paraphrasing the ole southern saying, I don’t often meet strangers. I will, however, develop a severe case of “tunnel vision” when walking alone while running errands, thinking intensely about something that needs to be done - or a topic ‘du jour’ that grabbed my attention - or zoned out of a conversation for a moment because I remembered something I forgot an hour before. When I am having a moment like those described above, one thing bothers THEE heck out of me: being told, “You’d look pretty if you smile,” by random strangers.

Better yet, I’ve been told “You should smile more. Life ain’t that bad.” Wait. I’ve also heard, “I can put a smile on that pretty face of yours.” Yeah. Straight foolishness! Don’t get me wrong. I know most of the men (and women in some cases) who say these things mean absolutely no harm. (Oh. Yes, I forgot to mention it has always been men I’ve seen in passing who make these statements when I out doing whatever it is I have to do at that time.) However, I hope they also understand that my teeth and lips obey my orders, and do not move for the pleasure of people I do not know.

Below are three reasons why people should stop randomly telling women to smile:

Sometimes I don’t feel like smiling. Period. I have bad days. I even have had bad months, and sometimes it’s reflected on my face and body language. Unfortunately, I still have to go out, make small talk, and pretend like I’m ok on days I don’t want to for the comfort of others and to avoid discussing whatever private thought I’m having. During times like those mentioned, when I walk into a grocery store, with my sights set solely on soy milk and coffee, I don’t have to smile. In the words of Budda, “I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.” Not the best spiritual place to be all of the time, but at times you just got to “get ‘er done.” I’m not soar-faced or even angry, but I don’t have to and will not smile for you or anyone else. When my moods better, my teeth will show.

Sometimes I am angry or frustrated, not at you or others in my path, but I just am. One year I had to replace five tires on my car. FIVE! Construction and Atlanta roads were not friendly at all. On the day that 5th tire went flat from a nail that pierced it, I was already frustrated and sad about family-related issues, and it was too much to deal with during a span a four hours. Still, life didn’t stop. I had errands to run, commitments to meet and things to do. I, however, did not feel like smiling at perfect strangers. I simply wanted to get from point A to point B to point C and go home. Your words fell on deaf ears that day. Yes, I ignored you. Yes, I was rude, but it was a better response that what I really wanted to say.

It’s my right NOT to smile. My body, my face, my choice. If women or people of other races told Black men to smile every day, I can almost guarantee, it would cause “World War – End of the World.” I’m not a guy, but I know the daily hints of racism, elitism, fear and just the daily ills of living make you want to punch a wall sometimes. Imagine if every person you see told you to smile when you were having one of those days. You’d be annoyed because people felt entitled to your emotions on demand. Well…that’s how I feel too.

Let me recommend a few comments you can say instead.

Good morning.

Good afternoon.
Enjoy your day.
You look beautiful. (…always a pleaser..)

And last but not least, say NOTHING, which can also be golden.

…and leave it at that.

 Thank you for reading. You may now return to your regularly-scheduled programming.