There's Just Something about Her...: It's Me

"Becoming aware of our emotions and how we manage them influences every aspect of our lives. Our emotions indicate our connection with other people and the world around us.As humans, we share a common set of emotions—we all can relate to feelings of anger, sorrow, pride and joy. Our ability to feel these emotions and empathize with others as they experience them is what keeps us connected." - Deepak Chopra

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Have you ever distrusted or disliked someone upon meeting them? Has your gut ever shuttered at the mentioned of a name? You're just not sure why.

A couple of years ago, I met a woman, Girl X, who was a friend's friend. A group of us, including her, hung out together a few times over the summer.  She seemed amicable, but something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. I kept my distance while being respectful, but I had to admit to myself that I was simply not fond of her. However, she did absolutely nothing to me. The thoughts and feeling attached to our interactions were all my own. 

Let me explain. What I sensed in our interactions was a what I perceived to be "inauthenticity". Laughing a little too loud. Trying too hard to be liked (by the guys mostly). Obviously attempting to hide all of who she was. I recognized it all, and it made me lose interest in getting to know her because her outer "representative", frankly, got on my nerves. How did I know? I saw a bit of who I was (past tense) when I was younger and a bit insecure., during a period of time I was still discovering my authentic self. Now that I am fully "discovered", I can quickly identify inauthenticity and distance myself from people or situations that don't feed my spirit. (Ummmm...It's like eating lettuce, when your body craves protein.I always go for what's needed and "real".)

Then something magical happened. A group of us was talking about our youthful experiences, and she told a wonderfully honest story about her relationship with her dad, and I began to see her. REALLY SEE HER. Her story not only gave me insight regarding her view of herself, her inauthentic "wall", used to protect herself, disappeared.  I got it! I saw her through my lens of empathy and compassion.

Unfortunately, her wall reappeared and the aligned stars darkened shortly afterwards. My lens remained intact, however, my interest level waned. No doubt she was a nice person. We just couldn't be friends because I no longer have the energy to knock down another's walls or read into conversations to truly understand people, but for a moment I felt privileged to see her whole self. 

My lesson: People carry their baggage differently. Some use it as a cover. Others may just carry it and dump it in piles wherever they land. The empathic person carefully goes through each piece, analyzes it, tosses the pieces that no longer serves him and packs away what he still deals with and only shares it purposefully (i.e helping others, use source of information to heal one's self, etc).

Hopefully, Girl X found luxurious comfort in her own skin by now . I learned to NOT immediately judge others, but try to understand them and respond to them appropriately. Yes, sometimes I have to choose loving others from a distance, esp.  if "liking" them is difficult. My motto: If you can't do good, choose to always do no harm. 

Yes, there was something about her. It was the sight of the former me.

TO LEARN MORE: Deepak Chopra on Keys to Healthy Relationships