“I Bet You’d Look Prettier If You Smile”: 3 Reasons To Stop Saying These Words

I’m going to veer a bit left for minute, as I generally write about how to deal with negativity using tools and adjusting one’s mindset, but not today. Today, I thought I’d get a little personal. Hopefully this information will, indeed, help someone.

To smile or not to smile…

 

Overwhelmed? Change Your Lens.

Using Light to Sleep

I didn’t sleep much last night. I remember having dreams. I don’t recall exact details, but they were uncomfortable. I felt out of sorts when my eyes slowly opened at 4:23 a.m., like I was supposed to do something, say something, go somewhere, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move for about 90 seconds. I laid there trying to identify the goings-on of my spirit. Nothing. I was just numb. I finally rolled over trying to recall why a sheer blanket of sadness slung over me like examining room gown – there, but not there. Nothing came to mind. I then, against my better judgment, picked up my iPhone and began to scan random posts on various social media sites. A lot was shared while I slumbered. The sadness grew. The hopelessness appeared. There it was. It wasn’t my dreams I was trying to escape; it was the cycle of hate (disconnect) that currently swirls in the universe. You can’t escape it. It’s here, and it’s smothering me.

Prince Rodgers Nelson: A Modern-Day Rumi – A Master Weaver of Love and God

A number of articles have been written about Prince since his transformation that discussed his mix of faith and music, but they lack the depth, honestly, raw beauty, and unashamed love he had for his (our) Creator. The articles I read, which were not exhaustive so forgive me if I missed something, focused on the “ying and yang” of his relationship with his sexuality and his faith. Certainly interesting, but I have to admit that I found his ability to weave God, Jesus, love, and the after-world into secular music and arts, in a way that didn’t make non-religious people flinch, awe-inspiring. Another writer who mastered this tapestry of sultry poetry and faith is Sufi poet Rumi.

…his ability to weave God, Jesus, love, and the afterworld into secular music and arts, in a way that didn’t make non-religious people flinch, awe-inspiring

It has taken me months of quiet contemplation and various stages of grief to finally put my thoughts together regarding how the artist Prince - because he’s way more than simply a musician - and Sufi poet Rumi unify God and love. They both presented romantic love and spiritual worship as a fluid, wonderful unification for everyone, regardless of religion affiliation, to honor and love God…and themselves. (However, Rumi's writings were solely about God though.) Both compose words that are picturesque, beautiful, and even haunting. You feel them. They penetrate you. They speak to the Him in you.  They can make you feel whole or beautiful or heard or less alone. Their words make you feel loved.

…They can make you feel whole or beautiful or heard or less alone. Their words make you feel loved.

Emotional Freedom from Great Expectations

                                                                               

"Nothing creates more unhappiness than failed expectations." - Deepak Chopra

Life would be wonderful if people did exactly what they said they'd do and plans unfolded the way we think they should. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. 

When you don't get the job you really wanted, you love the guy or woman who lies and cheats while saying, "I love you," the car breaks as soon as you make the last payment, the flight that is cancelled after a year of planning the perfect vacation, and the list goes on, you feel as if the world is unfair and conspires against you. Why? Because you did everything right. You dotted every "i" and crossed every "t", so why does life continue to kick you square in the throat...hard?! It's not simply because you did or did not what was expected; it's because you expected a certain result from your role in the exchange. 

What is the best way to deal with the disappointment that is often handed to you on a silver platter? Is it best to expect the worse? No. I'm no pessimist, so that won't work, at least not for me. The best way to manage your feelings about the crap that happens is to do all you can to lead the life your desire, step back, and make adjustments based on the results that appear. 

I've had my share of broken promises, unexpected life-changing events, and deafening silences after prayers go unanswered, so I speak from experience.  Still, I wake up every day with the knowledge that I am equipped with whatever is required to get through the following 24 hours. I believe and trust that all is as it should be. I, do, however have moments of pure, unfiltered sadness. (Some people may call it anger, but the word anger is usually used when you doesn't adequately identify your feelings behind the anger, but that's a separate discussion all together.) I'm human and was created with the same feelings and emotions that everyone feels. The difference is I don't let them control me.

What tools do I use to gracefully manage my expectations and negative results?

- Feel it, whatever feeling I have about an event/result, intensely...and then let it go. Staying in a mentally negative space is neither helpful nor productive. A year from now you'll realize it's just a waste of time.

You're not alone...

I saw this posted  in Pinterest, and thought that most people probably felt this way at some point in their lives. (I have. That's for sure.) I just wanted to take a moment to remind someone who currently feels this way that he is not alone. Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass. 

(Source: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/giving-up-quotes)

There's Just Something about Her...: It's Me

"Becoming aware of our emotions and how we manage them influences every aspect of our lives. Our emotions indicate our connection with other people and the world around us.As humans, we share a common set of emotions—we all can relate to feelings of anger, sorrow, pride and joy. Our ability to feel these emotions and empathize with others as they experience them is what keeps us connected." - Deepak Chopra

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Have you ever distrusted or disliked someone upon meeting them? Has your gut ever shuttered at the mentioned of a name? You're just not sure why.

A couple of years ago, I met a woman, Girl X, who was a friend's friend. A group of us, including her, hung out together a few times over the summer.  She seemed amicable, but something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. I kept my distance while being respectful, but I had to admit to myself that I was simply not fond of her. However, she did absolutely nothing to me. The thoughts and feeling attached to our interactions were all my own. 

Let me explain. What I sensed in our interactions was a what I perceived to be "inauthenticity". Laughing a little too loud. Trying too hard to be liked (by the guys mostly). Obviously attempting to hide all of who she was. I recognized it all, and it made me lose interest in getting to know her because her outer "representative", frankly, got on my nerves. How did I know? I saw a bit of who I was (past tense) when I was younger and a bit insecure., during a period of time I was still discovering my authentic self. Now that I am fully "discovered", I can quickly identify inauthenticity and distance myself from people or situations that don't feed my spirit. (Ummmm...It's like eating lettuce, when your body craves protein.I always go for what's needed and "real".)

Then something magical happened. A group of us was talking about our youthful experiences, and she told a wonderfully honest story about her relationship with her dad, and I began to see her. REALLY SEE HER. Her story not only gave me insight regarding her view of herself, her inauthentic "wall", used to protect herself, disappeared.  I got it! I saw her through my lens of empathy and compassion.

Unfortunately, her wall reappeared and the aligned stars darkened shortly afterwards. My lens remained intact, however, my interest level waned. No doubt she was a nice person. We just couldn't be friends because I no longer have the energy to knock down another's walls or read into conversations to truly understand people, but for a moment I felt privileged to see her whole self. 

My lesson: People carry their baggage differently. Some use it as a cover. Others may just carry it and dump it in piles wherever they land. The empathic person carefully goes through each piece, analyzes it, tosses the pieces that no longer serves him and packs away what he still deals with and only shares it purposefully (i.e helping others, use source of information to heal one's self, etc).

Hopefully, Girl X found luxurious comfort in her own skin by now . I learned to NOT immediately judge others, but try to understand them and respond to them appropriately. Yes, sometimes I have to choose loving others from a distance, esp.  if "liking" them is difficult. My motto: If you can't do good, choose to always do no harm. 

Yes, there was something about her. It was the sight of the former me.

TO LEARN MORE: Deepak Chopra on Keys to Healthy Relationships