“I Bet You’d Look Prettier If You Smile”: 3 Reasons To Stop Saying These Words

I’m going to veer a bit left for minute, as I generally write about how to deal with negativity using tools and adjusting one’s mindset, but not today. Today, I thought I’d get a little personal. Hopefully this information will, indeed, help someone.

To smile or not to smile…

 

Overwhelmed? Change Your Lens.

Using Light to Sleep

I didn’t sleep much last night. I remember having dreams. I don’t recall exact details, but they were uncomfortable. I felt out of sorts when my eyes slowly opened at 4:23 a.m., like I was supposed to do something, say something, go somewhere, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move for about 90 seconds. I laid there trying to identify the goings-on of my spirit. Nothing. I was just numb. I finally rolled over trying to recall why a sheer blanket of sadness slung over me like examining room gown – there, but not there. Nothing came to mind. I then, against my better judgment, picked up my iPhone and began to scan random posts on various social media sites. A lot was shared while I slumbered. The sadness grew. The hopelessness appeared. There it was. It wasn’t my dreams I was trying to escape; it was the cycle of hate (disconnect) that currently swirls in the universe. You can’t escape it. It’s here, and it’s smothering me.

Prince Rodgers Nelson: A Modern-Day Rumi – A Master Weaver of Love and God

A number of articles have been written about Prince since his transformation that discussed his mix of faith and music, but they lack the depth, honestly, raw beauty, and unashamed love he had for his (our) Creator. The articles I read, which were not exhaustive so forgive me if I missed something, focused on the “ying and yang” of his relationship with his sexuality and his faith. Certainly interesting, but I have to admit that I found his ability to weave God, Jesus, love, and the after-world into secular music and arts, in a way that didn’t make non-religious people flinch, awe-inspiring. Another writer who mastered this tapestry of sultry poetry and faith is Sufi poet Rumi.

…his ability to weave God, Jesus, love, and the afterworld into secular music and arts, in a way that didn’t make non-religious people flinch, awe-inspiring

It has taken me months of quiet contemplation and various stages of grief to finally put my thoughts together regarding how the artist Prince - because he’s way more than simply a musician - and Sufi poet Rumi unify God and love. They both presented romantic love and spiritual worship as a fluid, wonderful unification for everyone, regardless of religion affiliation, to honor and love God…and themselves. (However, Rumi's writings were solely about God though.) Both compose words that are picturesque, beautiful, and even haunting. You feel them. They penetrate you. They speak to the Him in you.  They can make you feel whole or beautiful or heard or less alone. Their words make you feel loved.

…They can make you feel whole or beautiful or heard or less alone. Their words make you feel loved.

Emotional Freedom from Great Expectations

                                                                               

"Nothing creates more unhappiness than failed expectations." - Deepak Chopra

Life would be wonderful if people did exactly what they said they'd do and plans unfolded the way we think they should. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. 

When you don't get the job you really wanted, you love the guy or woman who lies and cheats while saying, "I love you," the car breaks as soon as you make the last payment, the flight that is cancelled after a year of planning the perfect vacation, and the list goes on, you feel as if the world is unfair and conspires against you. Why? Because you did everything right. You dotted every "i" and crossed every "t", so why does life continue to kick you square in the throat...hard?! It's not simply because you did or did not what was expected; it's because you expected a certain result from your role in the exchange. 

What is the best way to deal with the disappointment that is often handed to you on a silver platter? Is it best to expect the worse? No. I'm no pessimist, so that won't work, at least not for me. The best way to manage your feelings about the crap that happens is to do all you can to lead the life your desire, step back, and make adjustments based on the results that appear. 

I've had my share of broken promises, unexpected life-changing events, and deafening silences after prayers go unanswered, so I speak from experience.  Still, I wake up every day with the knowledge that I am equipped with whatever is required to get through the following 24 hours. I believe and trust that all is as it should be. I, do, however have moments of pure, unfiltered sadness. (Some people may call it anger, but the word anger is usually used when you doesn't adequately identify your feelings behind the anger, but that's a separate discussion all together.) I'm human and was created with the same feelings and emotions that everyone feels. The difference is I don't let them control me.

What tools do I use to gracefully manage my expectations and negative results?

- Feel it, whatever feeling I have about an event/result, intensely...and then let it go. Staying in a mentally negative space is neither helpful nor productive. A year from now you'll realize it's just a waste of time.

You're not alone...

I saw this posted  in Pinterest, and thought that most people probably felt this way at some point in their lives. (I have. That's for sure.) I just wanted to take a moment to remind someone who currently feels this way that he is not alone. Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass. 

(Source: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/giving-up-quotes)

There's Just Something about Her...: It's Me

"Becoming aware of our emotions and how we manage them influences every aspect of our lives. Our emotions indicate our connection with other people and the world around us.As humans, we share a common set of emotions—we all can relate to feelings of anger, sorrow, pride and joy. Our ability to feel these emotions and empathize with others as they experience them is what keeps us connected." - Deepak Chopra

                                   ********************************

Have you ever distrusted or disliked someone upon meeting them? Has your gut ever shuttered at the mentioned of a name? You're just not sure why.

A couple of years ago, I met a woman, Girl X, who was a friend's friend. A group of us, including her, hung out together a few times over the summer.  She seemed amicable, but something about her just rubbed me the wrong way. I kept my distance while being respectful, but I had to admit to myself that I was simply not fond of her. However, she did absolutely nothing to me. The thoughts and feeling attached to our interactions were all my own. 

Let me explain. What I sensed in our interactions was a what I perceived to be "inauthenticity". Laughing a little too loud. Trying too hard to be liked (by the guys mostly). Obviously attempting to hide all of who she was. I recognized it all, and it made me lose interest in getting to know her because her outer "representative", frankly, got on my nerves. How did I know? I saw a bit of who I was (past tense) when I was younger and a bit insecure., during a period of time I was still discovering my authentic self. Now that I am fully "discovered", I can quickly identify inauthenticity and distance myself from people or situations that don't feed my spirit. (Ummmm...It's like eating lettuce, when your body craves protein.I always go for what's needed and "real".)

Then something magical happened. A group of us was talking about our youthful experiences, and she told a wonderfully honest story about her relationship with her dad, and I began to see her. REALLY SEE HER. Her story not only gave me insight regarding her view of herself, her inauthentic "wall", used to protect herself, disappeared.  I got it! I saw her through my lens of empathy and compassion.

Unfortunately, her wall reappeared and the aligned stars darkened shortly afterwards. My lens remained intact, however, my interest level waned. No doubt she was a nice person. We just couldn't be friends because I no longer have the energy to knock down another's walls or read into conversations to truly understand people, but for a moment I felt privileged to see her whole self. 

My lesson: People carry their baggage differently. Some use it as a cover. Others may just carry it and dump it in piles wherever they land. The empathic person carefully goes through each piece, analyzes it, tosses the pieces that no longer serves him and packs away what he still deals with and only shares it purposefully (i.e helping others, use source of information to heal one's self, etc).

Hopefully, Girl X found luxurious comfort in her own skin by now . I learned to NOT immediately judge others, but try to understand them and respond to them appropriately. Yes, sometimes I have to choose loving others from a distance, esp.  if "liking" them is difficult. My motto: If you can't do good, choose to always do no harm. 

Yes, there was something about her. It was the sight of the former me.

TO LEARN MORE: Deepak Chopra on Keys to Healthy Relationships

Compassion: Learned, Not Earned

I'm a (Loser) Super (S)hero...but Only Sometimes

Recently, I met up with one of my closest friends. As we sat and evaluated our lives and current professional opportunities,  he asked me, "What do ya wanna do with your life?". My answer? "I wanna save the world, so ummm I guess I wanna be a  super hero!" I don't think I ever said it out loud before, but it's true.

We both chuckled, but he knew I was serious. I dedicated my life to public service a long time ago. My career experience is laced with corporate philanthropy, government affairs, and communications. I volunteer to fill the void I feel when I don't think I'm doing enough. I don't have a cape or a truth whip, but I do what I can.

Who are You? I am...

Being authentically aware of who I are and what I need/desire affords me the freedom to be open and receptive to ideas most may immediately dismiss. I mull. Ponder. I may subtract or add, but I always honor the words as much as I honor the speaker. The poem below speaks of that dedication to one's own needs while trying to meet the needs of the other. I like that. Remember, words are fluid and connected...much like the way I love (and write).

The Invitation by Oriah

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."

It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
 

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Recently, I was asked to shed light on my consistent jovial disposition and level-headedness during life's butt-kicking moments. My response? "Why?! Who would care about my thoughts or my get-over-the-everday-BS abilities?" However, after much thought, I figured I'd give this forum a try. Heck. I honestly don't know if readers (if there actually will be more than one) will care, but I do know that sometimes I need to remind myself of what is important to me, so this process is as much for me as it maybe for you.

Referencing many sources and inspirations including the bible, H. Emilie Cady, Rumi, Marianne Williamson, OSHO, Deepak Chopra, Shunryu Suzuki, Ruby Dee, Khalil Gibran, Pema Chodron, Michael Jackson, Prince, Frida Kahlo, and many more, I'll attempt to provide insight on how my thoughts about my own circumstances (good, bad, and ugly) can change simply based on how I view and respond to them. Life can be hard. Tears have been shed, but if I get to wake up each day, I might as well enjoy it, right?

Please bear with me as I try to efficiently and effectively put my thoughts in print. Time is precious, so I don't want to waste yours. (Yeah, I sooo hate babbling too.) Thanks, in advance, for riding shotgun with me! 

Wishing you love and light...always